First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
