are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You need a sexual gate keeper
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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