We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
