Already got asked if we're dating
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
