Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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