ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
