her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
