Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
