i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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