just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
