You can't motorboat a personality
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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