Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
