He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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