I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
