Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
