i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
