Just fell off a train. Bad.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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