You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
