I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
