I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
