I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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