I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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