His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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