The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
