I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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