I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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