Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
