No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
