Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was born a porn star she said
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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