Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
