I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
