I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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