shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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