Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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