And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
