My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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