If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
