If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
