Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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