If i come over, it means nothing
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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