idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
