brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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