omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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