drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need moral support for this bender
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
