you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
