exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
