i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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