Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
