hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
