I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
