You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
