margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
