it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
birth control should be required to get into college
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
