someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
