Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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