I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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