If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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