Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
