What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
