How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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