how can u be prego again
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
