I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
