id be glad to
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
MIDGETS
????
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
