I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
