He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
