I wish my penis had an off switch
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
