It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
