you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
