life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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